March Insights
This month I wanted to share three insights which are pertinent to International Women's Day, and apply to everyone, regardless of gender.
1: "You don't encourage children to tell the truth by creating situations where the best option is to lie" - Rachel Samson
It is so interesting to look at things from the angle of best options, and what those best options do to people. From what I have witnessed both in the working world and with my client work, we can't encourage creativity, personal agency, authenticity, or vitality by creating situations where the best option is to "fit in" or "tow the line". Surely we would all benefit from creating situations and systems where the best option is to collaborate and to work to our strengths.
2: Playing someone we are not is a draining, protective act of self-suppression.
We "play" someone we are not every time we:
Go against our values.
Attempt to make more space for others by shrinking ourselves.
Abandon meeting our own needs, and hope they will be met by others/systems.
These are all attempts to make us feel less vulnerable to being rejected. We are rejecting ourselves in order to avoid rejection by others. Such is the power of the human drive for survival via connection.
When we suppress ourselves on repeat, we can find ourselves in a state of nervous system dysregulation. This can show up as anxiety, illness, low energy, low mood, hyperactivity, and many other expressions of fight, flight freeze and fawn.
When we are dysregulated, our meaning making mind can brew up all kinds of stories for us about why we aren't feeling okay. And these stories can affect every part of our lives, robbing us of our ability to take genuinely considered and effective action until they are held up to the light.
Then we have a whole world to navigate too. Most societal systems operate on a spectrum of suppression (racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, the list goes on). No wonder so many of us find it so hard to know how to healthily meet our own needs. No wonder we find it so hard to give ourselves permission to play. To relax. To do anything purely for the sake of pleasure.
3: “Behind healthy relationships are: difficult conversations, a breakdown of egos, and a commitment to love as mutual evolution” - Dr Nicole LePera
This quote is in all of my client agreements. It is fundamental to me to contract for these kinds of commitments. Many of us are unwilling to have difficult conversations, and yet that is the fastest path to growth. Honesty does not need to mean brutality. If we can speak our truth with love and honesty and a willingness to hear, we can truly connect.
